READER BEWARE: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE AHEAD. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK AND WITH EXTREME CAUTION.

Healing is a process. No matter what we are healing from it takes proper care and a lot of time. I want my blog to be a positive and uplifting place to visit, but I don’t think I can accurately share the magnitude of my journey of re-imagining my life as one of unbridled happiness without sharing the darkest parts of myself. That’s not something I look forward to. I certainly don’t relish the thought of putting my raw memories and my most personal and painful thoughts out there for the world to see. But I feel that to honestly understand my accomplishments and enjoy my successes one must understand where I came from, and how hard I have fought to get here. So, for those who are curious I created this page.

Over the years I’ve tried several ways to heal from old wounds. One of them was to create a blog to document my journey of healing from childhood abuse. I never published that blog, it’s very personal. Writing it was very therapeutic, as well, although all these years later I look back and think “oh, I forgot I wrote that.”

I am sharing a link to those old blog posts here, for anyone interested in reading them. Remember that everything is perspective. All of what I’ve written here is true, but the primary source of my pain and confusion has been the Mommy issues…she allowed these things to happen to me and I’ve never quite forgiven her for it. Crazy that I can go through my entire life and not realize that SHE is the main source of my struggle, going farther back even than the linked blog posts discuss. I always knew she was part of it, but I never focused on her specifically as the cause my struggles. Nor did I understand, until recently, the effects of a child growing up with an unloving mother. I think our hearts and brains will only allow us to process small amounts of painful information at a time for our own sanity, and it comes in waves that don’t always overlap.

http://dragntears.wixsite.com/my-journey

I recently began reading a book about the adult daughters of unloving mothers, and it has been truly eye opening for me. I’ve learned that my coping style, my entire belief system about the world around me, is directly related to the things I had to cope with as a child. It explains how children might respond in certain situations and how that shapes their ability to process things and manage their own life.

Eventually, once I finish reading the second half of the book and when I’m ready, I will post a review and share it with you.

I know I am not alone in this. I welcome comments and questions, and if you have experienced something similar, feel free to share it with me. I would love to hear from you. We are not alone!

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